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08.15.08
i drink your milkshake
i watched there will be blood.
probably one of the best movies i've ever seen.
run your mouth [0]
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08.08.08
she's not me
raleigh was uneventful. i lost a lot of sleep because of work, but that was expected.
my work is like jumping hurdles. this internet page denied shit needs to stop.
i say "fuck it" a lot.
my mother is visiting this weekend.
family, dinner, and shopping.
i forgot your birthday, and i really don't feel bad because your ass has been in paris all summer, but in two weeks i'll be in boston to see ya.
party.
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08.01.08
business
i will be in raleigh, north carolina this weekend for work.
the atlanta airport on a friday afternoon.
madness.
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07.25.08
on the boundary
basically, work is driving me crazy right now. i love my job and everything, but my god, sometimes i feel like rebecca de mornay in that baby movie when she calls someone the n-word and goes crazy in the bathroom stall with a toilet plunger.
also, apparently i'm not cool enough to smoke joints and run around in public wearing nothing but my underwear.
'if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends' is not true in my relationship.
is that a bad thing?
i haven't decided yet.
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07.16.08
no country for old men
i watched that movie last night.
gave me nightmares.
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07.14.08
vice
i kill ink pens.
i chew them.
don't ever give me your ink pen, unless you want it covered in teeth marks and dried up saliva.
cigarettes and pens.
i'm always sticking things in my mouth.
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07.07.08
visitors
i got this idea from steve to post search phrases used to find this site.
y'all have some explaining to do.
...
unprotected texts
unprotected text
persona phi
crazy phone text.com
unprotected pics phone
shitty buttsex pictures
she shit in your mouth
text about mexican food
kathleen turner
mexican food gives me headache
good text.com
getting on youtube unprotected
crazy text.com
felt up
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07.03.08
sleepwalk
apparently, i wandered around naked in the pitch dark house.
i walked into rick's closet, closed the door and pissed in the clothes hamper.
he watched me do all of this.
i don't remember doing any of it, so i've asked him to hide the gun.
there's no telling what i'll do next.
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06.24.08
music
i have all the patience in the world.
this is the third radio the car dealership has ordered for my car, and they keep
ordering the wrong radio.
how is that even possible?
the auxiliary input doesn't work.
not much of an update here.
just a rant.
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06.19.08
when the levee breaks
mom. kurt, on cnn there are pigs on the roof to get away from the water.
me. they shot those pigs. poor pigs.
mom. that is awful. i think the pigs are more important.
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06.16.08
father's son
daddy's day was like any other. we ate bad roadside bbq from somewhere in the middle
of nowhere georgia.
it made me sick.
the sauce was like water mixed with cheyenne pepper. the meat layered over a plate
of white rice with a splash of that sauce over the top.
keeping it simple, except not really.
my ass on fire, i sat on the toilet the rest of the day.
that was daddy's day.
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06.12.08
torture porn
him. best headline ever. incest dungeon teen wants to see ocean.
me. oh, i totally agree. i read that article this morning. is it weird that
i searched for images of the dungeon on google? cnn later posted pictures of it.
i am fascinated by the entire thing. i really want to see pictures of his daughter
and the children.
him. you have a dark side. i kinda love that.
me. i need to get my car's oil changed. i am going to do that friday. what
did you think about when you jacked off? i've been fantasizing about my neighbor.
i have no idea why. he's epileptic, has bad teeth and he looks horrible. he wears
velcro shoes. he's smart though.
him. you said i was cute last week. now that i know you're fantasizing about
velcro-sporting epileptics with bad teeth, i'll re-evaluate your compliment. or
i'll just think that you're kinky. i fantasize about a time when i can afford porn.
it's 1 a.m., and i'm heading home.
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06.04.08
o'sailor
it's official.
i thought maybe it was a slight miscalculation.
it's not.
my work has blocked anything and everything blog-related, except for a select few
sites that i frequent.
security worries.
*yawn*
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06.03.08
you and me
my mother drawing pictures of animals on fogged up windows.
my dead coworker appearing in dark cubicles and playing jokes on me in the office.
i woke up from my dreams to take a piss and laughed at myself. i look in the mirror
and know in my mind, everything will be alright.
i get ready for the day.
i take one last look in the mirror.
mornings and mirrors, aging and mortality.
you and me.
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05.28.08
interrupted
meanwhile, enjoy my youtube channel.
two words, precious taft.
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05.18.08
send in the clowns
i really want to tell you about the horrible work week that i had last week, but
it doesn't matter anymore.
i work in software development.
shit happens.
i am not anticipating this week being any better.
i digress.
mother's day was fun. we looked at fish.
rick and i checked out the puppetry arts, and
it was great seeing you and your show.
jean was here. we drank
too many margaritas. i had to pull over so she wouldn't puke in my car.
it didn't get on the ceiling this time.
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05.08.08
dolls
"i haven't been able to focus since 2003. that's when they changed my medication.
i haven't been the same since."
my coworker.
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05.06.08
cinco de mayo
yesterday was mexican day and i ate so much mexican food that i am sure my butthole
will explode any minute now. my coworker claims that she could eat mexican food
everyday. i don't know how that is even possible because mexican food gives me major
bloat.
anyway.
i wiki'd the "holiday"
and it's funny to me that the united states makes a bigger deal about it than mexico
does.
a common misconception in the united states is that cinco de mayo is mexico's independence
day; mexico's independence day is actually september 16, which is the most important
national patriotic holiday in mexico. the holiday of cinco de mayo is primarily
a regional holiday in mexico, celebrated in the state of puebla. there is some limited
recognition of the holiday in other parts of the country.
in the united states, cinco de mayo has taken on a significance beyond that in mexico.
basically, everybody here gets drunk and strips naked in the streets while eating
a bean burrito.
canada has a skydiving event for it, and the cayman islands have an air guitar competition.
not joking.
i often question the ligitimacy of wikipedia, but that's some funny shit.
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05.05.08
hard candy
i bought the new madonna album.
i want my money back.
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05.02.08
playing with stars
i should be working, but i really don't give a fuck at the moment.
i lunched with love forlorn coworker, miss jackson.
tequila shots and margaritas.
a beautifully hot afternoon here, and i can't believe i am still in this office.
must skip out early.
i didn't realize it was the month of may 'til today, i even got paid today.
no plans.
dirty dreams about brandon and snakes
on the bed last night.
i woke and kicked the air.
kicked hard.
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04.30.08
work in progress
the bad headaches started last week.
i am spending too much time in front of the computer, so i took a bike ride last
night.
my headache hurt more.
a combination of stress from work, crappy sleep, cigarettes, too much oxygen, too
fast.
shitty habits must die and let me find myself again.
my coworker is epileptic.
keeps meds on his desk.
yeah.
i thought about it.
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04.28.08
dy-no-mite
the dinner party host kept pouring the shots.
i ended up telling everybody global warming is a joke.
i'm not sure who my anger was directed.
inevitable world war, maybe.
gas prices, perhaps.
is it just me or did everything fall to shit after
janet flashed her titty on television?
good times.
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04.22.08
origin and development
i feel like hannibal lector sitting here at the computer and listening to piano
music on my ipod.
there is so much more going on in that sentence, but basically i'm having a bad
hair day.
pine straw.
i realized that i haven't been to the doctor in like four years, so i scheduled
a physical for next month.
a sunday afternoon bike ride. i almost died.
must stay focused.
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04.16.08
good and evil
we are back from savannah.
i need to create a flickr
account and share pictures with you.
such a beautiful city.
highlights.
haunted houses, drunken strolls
in the city, pirates, genuine southern
drawls, stunning graveyards,
seafood and fried chicken.
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04.09.08
hey, y'all
i broke yesterday. i ate shitty.
happens.
i finally did my taxes this week. i waited until the last minute because i knew
that i owed money.
my deductions are laughable.
we are visiting savannah
this weekend.
more fat food.
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04.04.08
seeing stars
look, people.
i've had it with the pollen already.
my car is covered in the shit. my nose is covered in the shit.
the weather here is about to drive me crazy. up and down, up and down. cold one
day, hot as hell the next.
i've lived here all my life, and it's never seemed this bad.
i threw on an old polo before leaving the house this morning. i went back home and
changed because i felt like i was wearing a fucking baby tee, which if you know
me, that's something i would never do.
to sum it all up, my cell phone is acting crazy and i almost threw it at the wall
just now.
*face*
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04.02.08
everything
it's april and i'm sitting here wondering how in the hell that happened, but alas,
here we are.
ever hear a voice, a song that changes everything?
such cheese, i know.
i want to learn piano. i've been looking at cheap uprights
online.
my apples and oranges seem to be working.
today, tuna and chips.
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03.27.08
nowhere fast
feeling good this week.
i've sworn off fast food and alcohol.
for now.
lunch.
apples and oranges.
quick update.
easter was boring as hell.
work is busy as hell.
i'm going to hell.
camera needs batteries.
gays like pictures.
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03.20.08
take a closer look
some girl is very sad.
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03.17.08
he's chasing tornados
a wedding last weekend, a tornado this weekend.
downtown atlanta was hit by a tornado. the first in recorded history to hit the
city and with little warning.
i was asleep.
no visible damage near me. i have not ventured downtown yet, but i've seen the news
and the pictures.
i'll stay away for a bit. traffic's bad enough.
happy green day.
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03.13.08
white people
this is hilarious.
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03.11.08
fire leap
it's already march, and i already feel behind. taxes, gym, work, bills.
new year resolutions fade so fast, and i'm wondering if i really meant them.
it's never too late to try.
i hate it when people say they have attention deficit disorder, but perhaps?
nah, procrastination. story of my life.
i take the stairs once in a while.
that's something, at least.
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03.09.08
hey, santa
the hotel was nice, the bed was nice, but i hate not sleeping in my own bed.
i have a crick in my neck.
the wedding was as redneck as they get. the boombox flipped discs, that christmas
song played and nobody seemed to notice.
yeah.
boston's
on my mind.
oh, and i'm in love with my car's satellite radio.
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03.07.08
dear john
disgruntled coworkers and me included make for a margarita lunch.
i have this rational and irrational fear that my boss will find this.
last night, i stared at the
infinity pool for 6 hours!
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03.06.08
a slight miscalculation
popped that pimple on my forehead and now it looks like a fucking horn growing out
of my face.
it never stops.
the room went silent when i walked in the car dealership this morning.
car maintenance.
i sometimes sit at my desk and make big crazy eyes at the computer screen.
coworkers.
a wedding this weekend.
not in the mood.
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03.05.08
never gonna give you up
i've taken up drinking coffee again. i stopped drinking it everyday about three
years ago. i liked it black.
i blame it on the jamaican blend that i recently discovered, with a little milk
and sugar.
you've been warned.
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03.04.08
dé·jà vu
pouring rain this morning. i got to work and realized the umbrella was in the trunk
of the car. i briefly endured the rain and rummaged through the trunk until i found
the umbrella.
as i was walking in the building, i heard what sounded like a kid laughing and running
in the rain behind me. i turned around.
i have no idea who she is, but she told me that i left my trunk open and i thought
maybe she meant my ass.
it started to rain harder.
i am sitting at my desk now, mostly dried, and looking out the window. it's dark
outside and i have meetings and my computer is slow and i keep thinking about shit
that doesn't matter and you know what?
y'all can suck it.
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03.03.08
fat slut
i know it's a sad day when i check the serving size and calorie intake on a box
of girl scout cookies.
i weighed myself recently and screamed.
rick looked at me and said, welcome to it!
fuck.
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02.29.08
black dove
i am looking forward to daylight savings next weekend.
spring forward, y'all.
i am tired of leaving work when it is pitch dark outside. i was reading about seasonal
affective disorder the other day, and i think that i suffer from it.
not to mention, lots of death lately.
my ex-coworker shot himself, a marriage gone bad.
rick's uncle died last week.
my mother's bestfriend. her son died in a car wreck this week.
things need to lighten up.
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02.27.08
that's not a good idea
this blog was recently resurrected, and is it just me, or is blogging dead?
i'll admit that i did not keep up with the blogosphere at all after i quit, but
after clicking around out there the past few days, it all seems like crap. i about
gave up after i found a gay blog about tweaking, white drugs and buttsex, pictures
and all, everything from cutting the shit to whiping your ass.
important stuff.
i mean, i know that my rants about maxipads, oranges and cock blocks don't amount
to much, but good god, at least i try.
i'm a self-admitted addict to you tube. perhaps i'll start posting videos,
watch me do my hair.
crap like that.
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02.26.08
the human condition
i've expressed my feelings about maxipad commercials before. the segway between
an episode of american idol to a menstration commercial is absolutely daunting
to me.
it is raining here today and i sat in traffic listening to talk radio on my way
to work. they were talking about some woman's hygiene and not being clean down there.
i felt a glimmer of hope when they ended the segment with what sounded like michael
jackson's rock with you, but my mind was playing tricks on me.
i was 30 minutes late to work.
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02.25.08
in my bed
that was the most exhausting 10 minutes.
i just sat here staring at the computer screen trying to think of something to write,
stumbling all over myself to a time when this seemed so easy.
writer’s block is a cock block.
time for lunch.
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02.23.08
the skin that we're livin' in
sometime in the 1960s or thereabout, bobby told momma that he was running down to
the store to buy some oranges.
bobby was gone for eight months.
when he came back home, he was wearing an army uniform with a bag of oranges thrown
over his shoulder. bobby had joined the draft and didn’t want momma to know, but
the local bus driver had already told her.
she wasn't mad. she just didn’t want her baby dyin’ in no war.
well, bobby died this week.
bobby was rick’s uncle and that story was told at the funeral today. i did not know
bobby, but he sounded like a total badass.
i wish that i had some badass story to tell you about where i’ve been the past three
years but i don’t.
i am 32 years old now, new job, new car, new home, a new president soon. blah, blah.
i’m glad to be back writing again.
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